Echoes in the Silence

Dear Lord, it's 3 AM here, and the city outside is quiet, but my heart is a storm. Another long night shift done, and yet, the ache in my chest only gets louder. I don't know who else to talk to.

It's been two years since I last hugged Tatay. Two years since I tasted Nanay's tinola, the real one, not the instant kind I make here with whatever I can find. My little sister, Maya, just turned ten. I saw her picture on our family's chat group, and my tears just fell. She's growing up so fast, and I'm missing it all. Are these sacrifices worth it, Lord? This endless cleaning, the constant loneliness, the way my hands feel rough from the chemicals? My employer is… fine. But they don't see me, not really. I'm just the helper. I miss being 'Ate Lorna' from barrio San Isidro, the one who could always make Nanay laugh.

Why does it feel like I'm shouting into the wind? I pray, Lord, I really do. I say my Rosary every night, even when my eyes are heavy with exhaustion. But lately, the words feel hollow. Where are You in this cramped room, with the sound of the air conditioner my only companion? Did I make the wrong choice leaving? Every time I send money home, my own needs get pushed further and further down. I see families here laughing, going out, and I just… I just want to go home. But what will I do? Our farm isn't doing well, and Tatay's health is failing. I feel so trapped.

I look at the stars here, so different from the ones I saw back home, and I wonder if You're looking at them too. Are You listening? Have I become invisible, just another brown face in a sea of strangers, forgotten by the one person I thought would always see me? Please, Lord, I need a sign. I need to know if I can keep going, or if I should just… give up. My strength is fading. What is Your plan for me, Lord? Please, show me.