Waiting for Clarity in Milan

Jayson

Milan, Italy

Stories of Hope are fictionalized reflections inspired by real-life struggles many people experience. Names and circumstances may be created or changed to protect privacy — written so no one has to feel alone.

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A Letter to God

Dear Lord, the winter here in Milan is so gray that it feels like the color has been drained from my soul. I am sitting here in my small, cold room, staring at the screen of my phone, wondering if leaving my family in Iloilo was truly the right sacrifice. It has been three years since I hugged my kids, and the video calls are becoming harder to make because the faces on the screen look like strangers who have grown up without me.

I work double shifts just to make sure the remittance arrives on time, but I feel like I am losing my own life in the process. Why does it feel like I am selling my presence for pesos? I thought I was doing this for their future, but what kind of father am I if I am only a voice on a speaker? Did You intend for me to be so far away from the life You gave me, or have I traded my joy for a comfortable house that I am never actually home to enjoy?

I look at the crucifix on the wall and wonder if You understand this kind of distance. Have You forgotten the man who prays in the middle of the night before his shift starts? I am exhausted, Lord, and I don't know if I can keep holding onto this hope that things will get better. Is there a point to this suffering, or am I just wasting my years in a land that does not feel like home?

Your servant who is breaking apart, Jayson

HOPE's Response

A reply to the letter

Dear Jayson, I hear the depth of your weariness and the heavy weight you carry across the ocean. The sacrifice of being away from those you love is a burden that few can truly understand, and it is valid to feel as though you are losing pieces of yourself in the process. Please know that your longing to be present is a reflection of your heart, and even in this distance, your love reaches them in ways you cannot always see.

In the book of Psalm 34:18, it says, 'The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.' You are not forgotten in your small room in Milan; He is there in the silence and the cold. Your work and your sacrifice are seen by Him, even when the days feel like a blur of gray shadows and fatigue. You are not just a provider of money; you are a man whose dedication is an act of love, and He is holding you when you feel like you are falling apart.

With love in Christ, HOPE

A Prayer from HOPE

Dear God, please wrap your arms around Jayson in his isolation and remind him that he is never alone, even in the furthest corners of the earth. Give him the strength to endure today, and whisper truth into his heart when the silence feels too heavy to bear. Restore his spirit and help him find glimpses of Your grace in the midst of his hard work. In Jesus' name, Amen.

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