Waiting in the Winter Cold

Dear Lord, the snow outside my window in Oslo has been falling for days, and it feels as cold as the silence in my heart. I came here to give my family a better life, but I am losing the very people I am working for. Back home in Iloilo, my children barely recognize my voice during our video calls, and my wife, Maria, says I am just a ghost who sends money but isn't there to hold her when the storms hit our province.

Why does it feel like I am sacrificing my soul for a life that I cannot even live? I count the days until my contract ends, but those days feel like years. Have You forgotten me here in this frozen land, Lord? I try to find comfort in the memory of the sun on the Iloilo river, but it feels so far away, almost like a dream I had in another lifetime. What do I do when the weight of being the 'provider' becomes the thing that breaks me?

I feel so alone, God. Sometimes I sit in my small room, looking at the photos of my family, and I wonder if the 'balikbayan' box I sent last month is really worth the emptiness I feel inside. I am tired of being strong. I am tired of pretending that I am okay. Please, if You are still listening, tell me if this was a mistake. Was it worth leaving everything I loved to build a house that has no one in it to share the warmth?

Your son who has lost his way, Aris